Good Graces
by AoifeRose
Summary: Olivia realises that she's not concerned for Amanda, she's scared for her. Post 15x17 so some real time references.


**Set in SVU real time after 15x17 so if you haven't seen it there will be some spoilers – just a warning. I'm still writing "Now" but I just watched this again and there was a Rolivia opportunity I just really wanted to write. As always one of them are mine, they belong to Dick, Warren and Julie. I just like playing with them! **

As the young detective closed her office door Olivia let out a sigh that did nothing to relieve the pressure on her chest. Seeing those desperate blue eyes looking everywhere but at her, holding back tears as best she could, Olivia almost broke.

"I don't know if I can get back into your good graces but I'm gona try Seargent" Amanda's words echoed in her ears. She looked so small, her face full of fear. Olivia wanted to tell her she didn't need to try, but she couldn't.

She was still standing outside her door when she looked up. Fin and Nick were probably giving her death stares and she knew the last thing Amanda needed was more grief. Angry as she was with her, she was angrier with Declan Murphy for commandeering one of her officers and giving her no choice in the matter. It was Rollins fault; she shouldn't have been there. But the fact was she had been put her in mortal danger by his actions, which meant Olivia hadn't slept properly in days

Standing she walked to the door and opened it causing Fin and Nick to avert their gazes elsewhere and Amanda to take a step to the side to let her out.

"Sorry Sarge" Amanda's voice was low as she apologised for being in Olivia's way.

"Go home Rollins"

Amanda turned to look at her the tears still threatening in her blue eyes

"I've got work to do… I can't…"  
"Go home Rollins" Olivia said it with the same deadpan tone that told Amanda she didn't have a choice in the matter.

She nodded and lowered her head making her way to her desk to pick up her bag. Olivia watched her leave and returned to her office, closing the door behind her. Sitting down at her desk she surveyed the mountains of paper that surrounded her and tossed her head back, raking her fingers through her hair. This was going to be a long day.

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All day her eyes flicked to the empty desk where the blonde detective normally sat. The paperwork stack in front of her seemed to get bigger instead of smaller which was probably because she wasn't actually concentrating at all. Fin had knocked an hour after Rollins left to say they'd caught a case but she let him and Amaro take it. Normally she was itching to get back out in the field. Right now all she wanted to do was pick up the phone and rip Declan Murphy apart, go to One PP and scream at them and then go home and take a bath with some wine, no a lot wine.

When Fin and Amaro returned she went through the case with them of a young woman attacked by her stepbrother who was firmly denying any wrong doing and claiming the girl was unstable. After digging through his history they found old charges his father had paid to go away before he met the girls mother.

Olivia warned the two men to tread gently. She would interview the victim in the morning; she had been too traumatised to talk earlier.

Returning to her office she looked again at the stack of paper work. Taking her coat and bag off the coatrack she closed the door on it and bid goodnight to the two men who barely looked up from their computers. She knew it was early, she knew there was so much more she should do. But she didn't have the energy.

Stopping at a small store on her way to the subway she bought a bottle of red wine. Taking her phone out of her pocket as it vibrated she saw a message from Brian. _"Working late tonight. Sorry"._

They'd gone from pet names and kisses at the ends of texts to barely apologising. What was worse was she was happy he was working late. It meant they didn't have to have the conversation she knew was coming about where this was going, because much like the paperwork it wasn't a conversation she had the energy for.

Her phone buzzed again as she was leaving the store. Rollins name popped up on the screen with a simple _"Sorry for today"_. That was an apology she wasn't expecting. She was relieved, why was she relieved? Hailing a taxi she re-read the message and gave Amanda's address to the cab driver. Reason had left her as she sat there and realised she was relived because it meant Amanda wasn't angry with her.

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Staring at the door to Amada's apartment she stood there for five minutes, talking herself into and out of knocking at least a dozen times. Eventually the decision was made for her and she almost jumped out of her skin as the door she'd been starting at opened. For a crazy second she almost thought she'd willed it open. Then she met piercing blue eyes staring inquisitively at her.

Amanda held up the trash bag in her hand "Trash"

Olivia mirrored her action and held up the bottle "Wine"

Amanda smiled as she walked by the taller woman and out into the hall "Glasses are in the second cupboard on the right, I'll be back in a minute"

She heard the door close as she made her way down the two flights of stairs to the trash chute. A million questions were buzzing around her head as she walked down the steps and she had answers for none of them.

But she felt a quiet calm as well. She had felt bad the way they'd left things earlier and even though she knew Olivia was her superior she still saw her as a friend. She'd fallen spectacularly from a height on this case and the last thing she wanted to think was that Olivia Benson, a woman she admired and respected, had lost faith in her. That was the last thought she had before re-entered her apartment.

Olivia was sitting on the sofa, her hip turned slightly so her arm was resting along the back of it. One leg was crossed over the other and her jacket had been discarded on the back of one of the kitchen chairs.

She had poured two glasses of wine and was holding her own while the second was on the coffee table.

They looked at each other as Amanda approached, both apparently stuck for words but not completely awkward in the silence either.

Amanda sat and reached for the glass, bringing it to her nose and smelling it before swirling the contents and taking a sip.

Olivia chuckled "If I'd known you were a wine snob I would have chosen more carefully"

Amanda took a mouthful and smiled "I couldn't tell you the first dam thing about it. It just always looks funny when I see guys in restaurants try to look like they know what they're doing. Had a guy try it on a date with me once. He was outraged when I ordered a beer"

Olivia laughed as she leaned over and put her glass on the table.

"Coasters? I never knew I had coasters!" Amanda said, indicating what Olivia had just put her glass on. "Are you sure you didn't buy them too?"

"No, pretty sure they were here already"

Amanda had run out of witty things to say and was staring into the red liquid, swirling it around. After taking another mouthful she placed it on the other coaster on the table and returned to her position on the couch, knees bent and folded under her. Franny was asleep in the corner, and her sudden loud snore made Olivia jump for the second time in half an hour.

"Sorry doggy dreams"  
"Sometimes I wish my life was that simple"  
"Me too"  
"Listen Amanda, about today, I was out of line"  
"No you weren't. You were completely right. I was way out of line. I just can't tell you…" Olivia reached out and squeezed Amanda's elbow which was resting on the back of the sofa

"Hang on a second"

Amanda lowered her head and smiled. She mumbled a quiet "Sorry"

"It's ok. Look this last week we've all been in a difficult place. You were somewhere we felt we couldn't get to you and it felt a bit like we were losing you"

Amanda's head remained lowered as the smile slowly disappeared.

She whispered another quiet "Sorry"

"I don't want you to be sorry"

Amanda looked up confused "What do you want then?"  
Olivia stalled as she looked again into those pools of blue "I don't know"

They were quiet for a time, Olivia drinking some more of her wine and Amanda listening to her neighbors next-door having another fight

She spoke softly when she did so "Did you see the recording?"  
Olivia nodded. The image of Amanda on her knees in front of the camera flashed through her mind again.

"You must have been scared"  
Amanda's face became vacant as she thought back to that moment just before she found out who Declan Murphy really was.

"I thought…" tears started to form in her eyes and Olivia reached out again, stroking her arm with her fingertips "I thought he was going to rape me Liv"

Tears began to fall and the overwhelming urge to comfort her was too much for Olivia. She moved over on the sofa and gathered the smaller woman into a gentle embrace, holding her and allowing the tears to fall.

The minutes passed by with neither making a move. Eventually Amanda pulled back slightly so that she was still in Olivia's embrace but could look at her

"It was like Atlanta all over again, only worse"

Olivia nodded. She didn't know the whole story from Atlanta but she knew enough to know what had happened at the club would have brought up memories for the younger detective.

"I know"

It was all Olivia said but Amanda found comfort in the fact she did know. She knew Olivia had been there too.

"I'm sorry you had to watch that"

"I almost didn't. I came pretty close to smashing the computer"

Amanda looked at the dark brown eyes that were so full of concern for her

"You shouldn't have had to, I should never have put you in that position"

"No you shouldn't. But we all have demons Rollins. Trouble is yours seem to gang up on you all at once and kick you when you're at your lowest"  
Amanda shook her head again "You seem to see right through me Seargent"

"I don't think that's quite true. Otherwise the last few days would never have happened". Olivia's tone was one of total defeat.

Amanda looked surprised and then horrified as she realised Olivia was blaming herself for what happened

"None of this is on you. Do you hear me? None of it" Her voice had raised a level, still not quite drowning out the neighbors, but loud enough so that Olivia got the point.

"I got myself into this mess Liv. I was the one who was stupid enough to get caught in an illegal club; I was the one who messed up with the ambassador. I was the one who nearly blew Murphy's cover. Me Olivia, all me" She hit her chest with her fist as if to add weight to her statement.

Olivia reached out and took her hand to stop her as she went to repeat the motion.

"Stop"

"I…"

"Don't you dare say sorry"

Amanda gave a small smile

"Truth is Amanda we all blame ourselves in a way. Fin is really shook up, Amaro is pissed as hell, you know he confronted Murphy outside the club?"  
Amanda nodded as she recalled the Lieutenant telling her she had some good people looking out for her

"And I haven't slept more than four hours a night in the last five days. I was waiting for the call to say they'd found your body"

Olivia shuddered as she pulled the blonde into her arms again, placing a kiss against her left temple as she did so.

"You scared the crap outta me Rollins"

Amanda felt a slight tingle where Olivia's lips had just been and she shivered.

Pulling back she sensed the shift in mood and watched as Olivia's eyes lowered to her lips. Her immediate thought was "what the hell?" but it was quickly replaced by a desire to lean in and kiss the woman staring at her. She hesitated for a moment unsure whether she was reading things properly or not. But when she saw Olivia move forward to meet her halfway tilting her head slightly she knew she'd read things right.

Closing her eyes she felt soft lips touch briefly against hers. Then again this time just as quick, almost unsure. Amanda moved her hand to the back of Olivia's neck to hold her in place, forcing the kisses to last slightly longer, reassuring her that this was real and that Olivia wasn't going to get up and run off any second"

Olivia's hands found their way into her hair and the kisses deepened further as mouths opened, teeth nipped and tongues licked and sucked in exploration and battle. Breathing was ragged as hands began to roam.

It was Olivia who eventually broke away, not pulling away but resting her forehead against the blonde's

"You need to promise me two things?"  
Amanda nodded, ready to agree to just about anything in that moment, but still she shook away the haze of desire to listen to what Olivia was saying.

"Whatever happens next, it's one step at a time stuff ok?"

Amanda nodded again

"And?" she asked quietly when Olivia hesitated

"Don't you dare scare me like that again"

Amanda heard the tremor in Olivia's voice

"I promise"

Amanda reached down and took Olivia's hand in hers, kissing her softly.

"Can you stay tonight?" she whispered against Olivia's lips.

Olivia nodded as she leaned in for another kiss squeezing their joined hands and guiding them into a standing position.

"I don't want to be anywhere else"

Amanda took the lead never letting go of the brunette's hand as they made their way the short distance to her bedroom.

Olivia saw a kind of shyness come over the blonde when they were standing at the foot of the bed and she felt the need to speak, to reassure her.

"Amanda, nothing has to happen, we can sleep. One step remember?"

The smile on Amanda's lips told Olivia she had more in mind than just sleeping. Leaning in to kiss Olivia she lingered this time, teasing her lips with the tip of her tongue as she did so. Olivia let out a little moan as petite hands found their way to her hips and down into the ass pockets of her trousers.

"I want to sleep" Amanda almost laughed out loud as she saw the look of disappointment on Olivia's face

Leaning in again she whispered into the taller woman's ear "But first I want to see you completely naked, in my bed, sprawled out and struggling to breath after I've made you cum hard"

She pulled the other woman against her to emphasise her point slipping her hands from the pockets of her jeans up under her top lifting it and helping to discard it somewhere on the floor.

She savoured the view, those breasts she'd secretly stole a look at when she thought no one was looking.

Olivia laughed causing them to move and Amanda decided she needed to do more than look. Pulling her back against her she reached behind Olivia's back and unhooked her bra discarding it with the top. Cupping her breasts in each hand she began to softly caress the nipples with her thumbs, flicking over and back hearing a soft moan as Olivia's head fell back. Leaning in to take one nipple in her mouth she continued to play with the other. Olivia's fingers were in her hair, encouraging her.

She continued to suck and nip on both as she used her hands to undo Olivia's trousers. She knew the other woman had removed her shoes when they were at the same height and as she pulled back she saw the magnificence in front of her. She gasped slightly, taking in the sight of Olivia Benson in just her black satin panties standing in front of her.

"You are so gorgeous"  
Olivia smiled bashfully

"I think it's time someone else lost some clothes" Olivia indicated the fact Amanda was still fully dressed. That didn't last long. Amanda divested herself of everything except her white bra and panties in under a minute making Olivia laugh as she almost tripped over herself getting out of her track bottoms.

"Rollins calm down"

Amanda giggled as she finally stood still "Sorry, I, um… well let's just say this isn't the first time I've thought about this. Now I'm afraid I'll wake up and it won't be real"

Olivia reached for the younger woman walking them towards the bed. Drawing her against her again she unhooked her bra. Simultaneously they reached for the last piece of clothing they had on removing it swiftly. Both finally naked Olivia pulled Amanda into an embrace feeling her against her. She relished the warmth and the softness. The anguish of the past few days began to dissipate as she felt Amanda against her, alive, in her arms.

She placed a soft kiss against her temple again, this time continuing a line of kisses down her jaw and finally against her neck. Finding Amanda's pulse point she could feel the rapid beat, she sucked it gently and then nipped slightly at the blonde's shoulder leaving a small mark.

She felt hands in her hair as Amanda encouraged her to come back to her mouth. They met in an urgent clash of tongues as hands began to wander again, exploring unknown terrain.

"Bed" Amanda managed to get out against Olivia's mouth, not so much a request as an instruction.

Amanda guided Olivia the last few steps and they fell onto the bed, a mass of tangled limbs. Olivia's thigh was pressing into her centre though, of that Amanda was acutely aware. She began to grind slowly and felt the other woman move slowly against her, helping her get some friction. Amanda moaned as she repositioned herself so she was able to better straddle the firm thigh, effectively topping Olivia and leaving the other woman slightly bemused as to how they'd gotten there. But she didn't care, the view was amazing.

Reaching around she placed her hands against Amana's lower back and encouraged her movements. She could feel the wetness on her thigh and it was causing her own wetness to build.

She watched the blonde, her eyes closed, head bowed, moving in a rhythm that was giving her pleasure.

She broke the silence to tell her one thing "you are so beautiful Amanda"

In that moment blue eyes opened and held the stare of dark brown irises as she panted

Olivia knew what she was asking for. Moving her hand around she looked again into blue eyes to make sure.

She heard a quiet moan of "yes" as Olivia placed her hand on the lower part of her tummy.

Moving her hand down she began to slowly circle Amanda's clit, which she found easily as it was strained and begging for attention. She felt the body above her arch slightly at the touch. Then shudder as she moved lower. Using two fingers she teased her folds, amazed still at how wet she was. She felt Amanda's hand press against hers encouraging her and she gave a quiet reassurance of "I'm here" as she entered her with two fingers

Amanda's body arched further and she repositioned herself so Olivia could penetrate her fully.

"Oh fuck yes, yes Liv"

Olivia watched the blonde riding her fingers. It was a stunning sight and she drank in every moment.

It didn't last much longer; she felt soft walls begin to tighten, holding onto her fingers tightly as Amanda's orgasm took over. The blonde screamed as she peaked and bent forward into Olivia's body as she struggled to breath for a few moments. Olivia held her up slightly so she could get some air into her lungs and then brought her down against her, feeling a contented sigh against her shoulder after the blonde had regained her equilibrium.

"Fuck"

"I believe you said that already"

Amanda laughed, "I did? I don't remember"

"Oh you did"

"Well since I did, I think it's only fair you get the chance"

The apprehension Olivia had been feeling about what was happening disappeared when she realised the trust that was involved in what they were doing. She trusted Amanda completely and she knew that Amanda felt the same about her.

Her train of thought was interrupted by a soft probing kiss. Opening her mouth she welcomed Amanda's tongue in, sucking a breath in as she felt the blonde move her hand over her stomach and down to her centre, the movement alone almost causing her to cum.

"Watching you just now… I… it…" Amanda finished the thought for her as she gently glided over her folds, sliding easily to her opening.

"Jesus Liv you're soaking"

Olivia blushed slightly as Amanda leaned in to kiss her again "You are so fucking beautiful" Olivia had no chance to reply as she felt two fingers slip inside her. She had forgotten how good this felt. She turned slightly throwing her leg over Amanda's hip. It gave Amanda a better angle and she thrust into her deeper. She knew Olivia was right it wouldn't take long.

"So beautiful" she said again, claiming Olivia's lips in another kiss as she felt her orgasm take hold. Olivia shook slightly and then seized totally as she came hard, breaths coming in short intakes as she felt the pleasure take over. She felt so alive.

It took her a few minutes to finally settle and when she did Amanda heard a quiet "Fuck" from somewhere.

She laughed as she pulled the brunette in to her arms, wrapping her tightly in an embrace and kissing her softly, a kind of reassurance that it was all ok, they were ok and this was going to be ok.

Olivia lay her head against Amanda's chest and listened to her rapid heartbeat

"One step at a time"  
"One step at a time"

Amanda stroked Olivia's hair as they fell into the sleep neither of them had had in days, confident that one step at a time was enough.

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**A/N Hope you enjoyed that. I had to write it because I just hated the way that scene left things hanging between them! I'm heading back to Now eh now so to speak! Painkillers allowing I'll manage to get some more done very soon! **


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